Birth is dangerous, scary, unpredictable and out of your control
Well, these are the common beliefs out there, but they are totally untrue….you just have to know the things to do…and not do to avoid a shit birth and have a good birth.
Birth can be the most transformative, connecting and powerful experience you can have as a woman and I am going to show you the steps you need to plan your positive birth.
Quality preparation for birth is one the best ways to set yourself up for a positive, good birth.
We know that it’s how you feel during birth that determines whether or not you will see it as a positive experience. We also know the core feelings behind a positive birth experience are safety, respect and feeling nurtured.
Preparing yourself for this experience gives you the opportunity to explore what you need to feel safe, respected and nurtured, to cultivate the right supports and develop a plan that communicates your needs clearly and will be respected by your caregivers.
Can’t the hospital’s antenatal classes provide all the info needed to plan a positive birth?
Can’t the hospital’s antenatal classes provide all the info needed to plan a positive birth?
So my short answer is maybe…and no…and absolutely not.
It’s different from hospital to hospital but generally they have a medical only approach, am expert focus and tend to be paternalistic.
Let me explain.
Hospitals are awesome at letting you know what will happen once you are in their care. They will tell when to come in, what you need to bring, who can be there, how you will be monitored, what pain relief will be available, what that looks like and generally what the hospital will and will not allow.
A quality antenatal experience that is focused on positive birth will be about you and what you need in order to feel safe, respected and nurtured.
It’s a little hard to believe that in hospitals where at least 97% of women birth there is not a focus on you as an individual and what you need to have a good birth. But realistically it’s a one size fits all model built more for efficiency than the birthing experience.
Let’s take a more focused look at the difference
Positive Birth has to be prepared for ….REALLY????
Sadly yes.
Birth is natural and normal, around 30% of the western population will go through childbirth in their lifetime but with birth trauma rates estimated to be up to 35%, clearly positive birth does not “just happen”.
Why???
As we know a positive birth is characterised by feeling safe, respected and nurtured and there are many reasons why women emerge from their birth NOT feeling this way.
Here are some of the big ones;
- Women are not adequately informed about birth and their choices
- Women are not supported well by their caregivers and team
- Women feel pressured or even bullied into accepting care they don’t want or feel they need
- Women are not prepared for the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual demands of birth
- Reduced options or birth choices for women as a result of ill health or complications
- Reduced options or birth choices for women as a result of a lack of skill or support from their caregivers (e.g. vaginally birthing a baby who is breech)
- Poor care, disrespect, rudeness and in some cases obstetric abuse from caregivers
If you choose to birth in hospital like I did the first time around you will birth into a system that is not geared for women to be the centre of care, to birth as you need to.
The western medical system fixes disease and things that are broken.
But you are not broken or sick, you are just birthing. So instead of being told where, how and with whom you are allowed to birth, you need information, support and preparation especially if you choose to birth in hospital.
So yes birthing is normal and natural but it’s not treated that way in hospital.
So you need to learn about how to get the birth you need to feel safe, respected and nurtured in a system that will actively challenge you.
And the best way to do that is through empowered antenatal education that is focused on positive birth….birthing your way.
So it’s time to get a little suspicious and put your detective hat on to find out what you need to know to get your positive birth so you can make your plan!
And I have an awesome resource to get your thoughts turning about your caregiver . “Ten Ways to know if your caregiver will support your positive birth….and what to do if they don’t. ” Grab it in our group here
Put an end to your fears and anxieties about birth
Fearing the unknown
Fearing birth itself
Fearing intervention
Fearing pain
Fearing repeating a previous bad birth
Fearing surgical birth
Do any of these fears resonate with you?
You might know exactly what you fear or feel anxious about or you might actually just have a dull worry about seemingly nothing in particular but the very thought of birth or your next antenatal appointment gives you that squeamish feeling in your gut.
Know what I mean?
Fear is the enemy of the birth room.
Seriously.
You’re a smart woman, you’ve heard of the fight, flight and freeze response that happens during times of fear?
Your heart races, your breathing gets rapid and shallow, you may sweat…internally the blood in your body is directed away from organs considered non essential for survival (including the uterus) and towards those you might use to run away.
Imagine this happening in birth.
And it can and it does. Fear can stall labour, prevent cervical dilation, make contractions or surges ineffective. It also can prevent our feel good hormones and natural pain killers from releasing into our bodies, making birth painful and miserable.
And where does fear come from?
Again many places but essentially your fears and anxieties are a reflection of what you believe about birth.
You should definitely re-read that to make sure you didn’t miss it.
So to come full circle, an empowering antenatal education experience that is focused on what you need to feel safe, respected and nurtured, will address these fears and anxieties head on so they don’t become a problem in your birth.
Just get started
Maybe you have been thinking about getting some additional help to plan your birth but you aren’t sure if you need it.
Maybe you like the idea but feel the financial pressures as you won’t be working for a time and have other baby related stuff to buy.
I get it.
I felt like I was a health professional, intelligent, good problem solver etc, I can read and find out everything I need to know AND I had already invested in the best Obstetrician I could find. Surely that was enough?
But I can tell you from my first birth in the private system, having a positive birth was possible…but tough. And I had a dream pregnancy and no big issues during birth. But I still felt the pressure to blindly accept and comply regardless of my wishes or even the medical evidence. And all the baby gear in the world wouldn’t have made up for a shitty birth.
Maybe you want to figure it all out on your own?
Maybe you’ve been waiting for your health care provider to provide all the answers?
Maybe you are hoping that you will find the confidence to tell them exactly what you want?
But let me tell you lovely lady, that a quality empowered antenatal experience will sort all this out without it costing you all your time and energy (which you need for that growing buba of yours).
When I finally decided that having a positive birth was something i needed help to prepare for, it changed everything. I got the information, the support and the growth I needed (most of which I didn’t even know I needed at the time) to have 1 positive birth (with an Obstetrician in a private hospital) and 1 totally amazing birth (in water at home with a midwife).
So your ready
To take charge of your own positive birth plan.
To make decisions in birth that are best for you and baby
To surround yourself with a team that supports you fully
To make a plan that communicates clearly with your caregivers about your needs and wants
To be ready physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually for all that positive birthing demands
But let’s be honest
The unknowns of birth can be scary
You don’t want to piss off your caregivers by being pushy or difficult
Yep, I felt some of these too and after helping many women prepare for their positive birth experience I can tell you this
You can get to the point where you will have clarity on what you need to have your positive birth
You can definitely look forward to your birth without fear, worrying about pain or the anxiety you feel whenever someone mentions another bad birth story.
And you don’t have to be rude, aggressive or difficult to get what you need, what you are entitled to have. A good birth.
And you WANT this. You DESERVE this. All women do.
A positive birth. A DREAM birth.
A birth from which you emerge feeling confident, strong and satisfied.
A birth that you always remember with a smile on your face.
A birth that is the perfect start to your new mothering adventure. Something beautiful that you always have to share with your baby.
BUT you might be worried that your previous birth experience or the horror stories you keep hearing from family and friends is your future birthing destiny. Does this feel familiar?
It’s hard to escape the negative feelings about a previous bad birth or to push aside the negativity that we hear from others…or even that in own head.
I certainly wasn’t naturally fearless when I started on my journey. Tearing was a BIG fear of mine as was intervention and surgical birth.
Maybe you wonder if there’s any point in getting prepared given everyone around you seems to have had a terrible birth? I can tell you YES!!
With the right support, information and guidance you can absolutely be one of those women who not only don’t have a shitty birth, but be one of those who have a positive or AMAZING birth, just as I did.
You do have what it takes in you overcome past experiences, move past fear, rise above the negativity and create a new, positive experience.
What do you need to get started?
Commitment to yourself and readiness to take one step at a time towards your positive birth.
So if you are ready to do the work to get what you need to have a positive birth and emerge into motherhood feeling strong, confident and powerful, I want you to start now.
Set the Stage
Before you get planning your positive birth you need to set the stage for wellness and positivity in your pregnancy. What happens at this stage can affect your birth and your entry into motherhood.
- Choose a mantra – sounds silly but a positive or inspirational phrase that you can have somewhere you see frequently can be your silent cheer squad. It can be hard to make changes so give yourself every opportunity to feel good about what you are doing and why.
- Choose a song – you can do this in addition to the mantra or instead of if music is more your thing….but this is also about boosting positive thoughts and feelings. Music is powerful so use it to your advantage.
- Gather your team – enlist the support of a special someone in your life. It might be your birth partner, doula, friend, mother….whoever is most excited and supportive of you and baby. Ask them to travel this journey with you and be there to share the highs and hardships.
- Inventory your day – take an honest look at your daily routines and activities, get specific and understand what it is you do during your day – how much do you move, what do you eat, how much water do you drink, do make time for relaxation?
- Make a list of 5-10 things you can do across the week that will add to your wellness – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Consider what might stop you from doing these things frequently and what measures you can put into place to overcome these challenges.
Action Step: Share your mantra and song with your special support person. Spend 20 minutes writing down your typical day and making your list of wellness activities. Then decide how and where you can put them into your week.
Now you have set the stage you are ready to get started planning your positive birth!
Milestone #1 – Know what you don’t know
This one is a “milestone” that is actually ongoing throughout your pregnancy, through birth and possibly even through subsequent births if you choose.
To plan a positive birth and feel safe, respected and nurtured, you need make informed decisions. To make informed decisions you need good information.
- Search the internet for a couple of “birth plans” – these can come in many varieties including written and visual.
- Go through the plans and make a list of everything you don’t understand or know about. For example when I went through mine first time around I realised I didn’t know what was involved in an epidural or understand the difference between an actively managed 3rd stage and a physiological 3rd stage.
- Get researching – trusted evidence based sites on the internet and ask your care provider questions
- By the end of this exercise you should a lot more about your choices and starting to feel confident in talking about them
Milestone #2 – Have a vision for your birth
You won’t know how to get there if you don’t know where you are going.
This is the fun stuff but be warned….this is where you might feel the resistance.
It’s not a common thing to talk about your “dream birth”, in fact is rarely acceptable to talk about an OK birth. In a society obsessed with the hardships of labour and birth, it may feel strange to spend time envisaging what you really want your birth to look like.
- Put some time aside for rest and relaxation
- Make sure the temperature of the room is just right, with the right amount of light and maybe some music if it helps you to relax
- Find yourself a comfortable spot sitting or laying down
- Spend at least 20 minutes visualising your birth, how you want it to be in every detail
- When you finish, notice how that made you feel and then write it all down
- Add to it if any more details arise and share it with your support person
Along with your vision you now need a supportive team of caregivers who are committed to your vision. Start talking to your caregivers about your vision for labour and birth as early as possible. Gauge their support, challenge them on any areas where you disagree and seek to understand where they are coming from. Ask them to try to understand your point of view.
Action Step: Do this activity frequently throughout your pregnancy. As well as helping you to visualise your dream birth it’s a wonderful way to connect with your baby and provide you much needed rest and relaxation.
Milestone #3 – Your positive birth plan
You are researching and learning and forming an idea of what you want your birth to be. Now it’s time to get it on paper.
The birth plan or preferences as I like to call them are an expression of what you need to feel safe, respected and nurtured. They are a communication tool between you and your care provider so they know what you want to have, what you want to happen and what you would like to avoid.
They also inform your caregiver how to approach you with any changes in circumstances to allow you greatest opportunity to make an informed choice. This is where the BRAINS acronym plays a role.
They are not a demand for the perfect aesthetic birth, for a birth you have not prepared for or a birth that you know your caregiver doesn’t support.
- Bring together the birth plans you found on the internet, with your research and your vision.
- Start to create your own document
- I also recommend personalising it perhaps with a letter to your caregiver and any previous birth stories or trauma you may have experienced that you think could be relevant
- Be specific – if you have any requests of your caregivers such as not offering pain relief or not calling out the baby’s sex. The details are actually important to your overall experience and feelings of being heard and respected.
- Communicate your birth preferences – talk about them, make copies and hand them out and carry some with you on the day you go into labour
So what else is helpful?
Getting to the bottom of your fears, anxieties and worries about birth.
Most of these will naturally resolve as you get empowered, learn and grow through this process.
But some, especially those that come from trauma and previous experience may persist.
Can these get in the way of you positive birth? Yes, absolutely.
Can they be resolved or managed? Yes, with the right help.
And I encourage you to reach out for help. There are groups and counsellors that specialise in birth and other trauma and they can make all the difference to your next birth experience.
Even if you have had a traumatic experience and feel as though you have dealt with it, I encourage you to reach out to someone trusted as these events can rear their heads during big life transitions such as the journey to motherhood.
So you want a positive birth?
I’ve given you the foundations of how an empowered approach to antenatal education can help you to plan your positive birth so you can approach this most amazing time with confidence and strength.
But this doesn’t happen by itself or overnight. It’s a process of self discovery, learning, patience and persistence.
If you are committed to the outcome I recommend that you follow these steps I have laid out for you and have a look at my free guide for preparing for positive birth.
Not ready to start planning your positive birth yet?
Maybe your thinking your not ready yet, it’s too early in your pregnancy…
I would say don’t let fear hold you back. Your have less than 9 months to work out what you need to feel safe, respected and nurtured in your birth, how to get it, who will help you, where the challenges may be and then to make it happen.
I would think if you have read this much you are certainly interested and probably know you have work to do.
But if you truly feel like your aren’t ready, that’s ok too.
Do what you can, when you can. Any work is a step in the right direction for you.
Empowered focused antenatal education was a saviour for me. I went from clueless about birth and about myself to confident, knowledgeable, assertive and ready to birth my way. I had such a life changing experience that I changed directions in my occupational therapy career and now focus on helping professional women, like you to have positive birth experiences…like I did.
Just imagine 90 days from now
- Having clarity around your positive birth and knowing how you are going to step towards it
- Seeing your supportive team around you that you know understands what you need to have a safe, respectful and nurturing birth
- Feeling confident and knowledgeable about birth and your choices and being able to talk freely to your care provider about them
- Looking forward to your labour and birth as a celebration instead of a terrible experience that you need to ensure to get the grand prize of your amazing baby at the end
- You did it! You are there in bed with your gorgeous baby, smiling quietly knowing you did exactly what you needed to and you had that positive birth you worked so hard for
I know you can do it.
You’ve got this mama
~Sarah xx